The Great Gender Debate

We went for our 20-week scan earlier today. The sonographer said everything looks great from a medical point of view - heartbeat strong, stomach working fine so digestion good, bladder working so kidneys are functioning well, etc etc - which meant we could concentrate on finding out the gender :).

I must say, people do have very strong opinions when it comes to deciding whether or not to find out the gender. Rob said the other day that it seems that people who would choose to find out if they're having a boy or a girl are respectful of others' decisions not to find out, but people who would rather wait until the birth are less likely to be as open-minded about those who choose not to wait. I certainly would agree with that assessment.

I wonder why people who've always waited until the birth to find out the gender say that it's 'better' that way? How would they know? I can certainly appreciate that it keeps you going through a long labour, but really, am I likely to be less inclined to push just because I know what it's going to be? And again, I can see that finding out and announcing a likely name before the birth makes it somewhat less exciting for others: rather than the usual 'oooh, what did they have?' 'what name have they chosen?' questions, you'll get 'oh, the baby's been born now.' But to be honest, I'm not having a baby just so that you can be excited on the day it's born. And Rob's opinion as a father is that if all you're waiting for on the day of the birth is to find out whether it's a boy or a girl, you've kind of missed the point.

A former colleague of mine had a baby last week. They knew it was going to be a girl, and they named her Emily months ago. When I found out she'd been born (2 weeks overdue and after a 3-day labour even though she was induced - well done Kirsty!), obviously there was no need for the 'what did they have?' questions, but I was still really pleased for them. I guess part of the reasoning behind my opinion on the matter could be that, without wishing to make this political or stir up a huge backlash, I don't believe that life begins on the day a child is born. The fact that one day Emily was in utero and the next day (or in this case, a few days later) she was outside the womb didn't make a whole lot of difference; she didn't suddenly become a baby girl the day she was born. She already was a baby girl, and if she had been born a day, a week, or a month earlier she would still have been a baby girl. And I'm pretty sure that Kirsty and Mark couldn't care less whether or not I approved of their decision to find out Emily's gender beforehand, and I'm equally sure that they didn't care what impact that decision had on my reaction to news of her birth.

I had a lovely message this morning from another friend who's due a week or so after me, saying they chose to find out their son's gender a couple of years ago and are really looking forward to finding out the gender of their second child next week. In her opinion, it means you can start to get to know them before they're born. I'd agree with that, but quite simply, the main impetus for our choosing to find out the gender is the fact that Rob is far too impatient to want to wait another 4.5 months... Plus we'd like to do some preparation - decorating the baby's room etc - and knowing the baby's gender makes that a whole lot easier. Although I'm quite keen on the idea of a neutral-coloured nursery, after all that!


Oh, and by the way, the sonographer said that whilst they never predict with 100% certainty because there's always someone who will sue them if they get it wrong, she's pretty sure it's a girl. Which means the discussion we put on hold last weekend will now need to be taken up again :).